The place is a mess.  We we not expecting guests.  Nonetheless ...

 404 - YOU HAVE OUR SINCERE CONDOLENCES

The document which you seek is MIA (missing in action).  Its next of kin has been notified.  We regret your untimely loss.  This exceedingly morbid situation may be the direct result of one or more of the following conditions:

• Our itinerant webmaster may have simply misplaced the document.     What are the odds?

• Our erstwhile webmaster may have imagined that the missing document was pure fabrication.  Hence he deleted it with extreme prejudice.

• Our ne'er-do-well webmaster may have deleted the document in a fit of pique or unavoidable attack of sheer lunacy.

• Our often lackadaisical webmaster may have wandered off, along with the document.  Please let us know if you see either of them.  There is a significant reward for the missing document.

• Our seldom-sober webmaster may have mistaken the document for Zig-Zag paper; rolled a joint and smoked it.

• The document in question may have been repossessed.  Whatever website from which it had been "plagerphased" may have discovered the misappropriation and begged for its safe return.  ("Plagerphrase" is a word that Scott Secor created in 1971 to describe the indelicate writer's art of overly-creative paraphrasing.)

• On the other hand, it may have been dispossessed, or just plain possessed.  We really do not know, nor do we care.

• The missing document may have left of its own volition, not unlike your children. Unfortunately, it is likely to return when least expected at some future date, not unlike your children!

• The missing document may have been mistaken for a ballot (or possibly a hanging chad) and is currently part of a recount.

• It is also possible that the document was gambled away in a televised celebrity poker tournament or floating crap game.

• The late document may have been tragically cut down in the prime of its life in a drive-by surfing, not unlike "One-pac" Shakur (the late Tupac was once shot in the groin).

• An evildoer may have dispatched the missing document. Should this be the case, the webmaster will seek vengeance and/or restitution (we are hoping for the latter, since we can always use some extra cash).

• The document may have been abducted!  If you find the missing document in anyone's possession, please do not attempt to apprehend them.  The suspects may be armed and dangerous.  Please alert the authorities, and the webmaster will attempt to raise the ransom money, provided that it does not exceed the limitations of his lunch money.

• In the spirit of maintaining good customer relations, our website has been recently updated.  Twelve (12) brand new 404s have replaced the old shop-worn 404s, which have been recycled in the spirit of a safer environment.

• On the other hand, you might find it easier to examine the depth and breadth of cyberspace with the expert assistance of a popular search engine.  To locate a search engine, please click here and enter the term "search engine".  The results may astound you.

• For further assistance in this matter, please consult the foremost authority in the field, the 404 Research Lab.

• If you arrived in this dreadful locus by clicking the "any key", you are far dumber than one might first imagine.  Perhaps the information age is not for you.

• Should you be among the humor impaired, please leave this miserable place and seek professional counseling.  Above all else, have a truly mediocre day.