The place is a mess.  We were not expecting guests.  Nonetheless ...

 404 - YOU HAVE OUR SINCERE CONDOLENCES

The document which you seek is MIA (missing in action).  We regret your untimely loss.  We shall notify its next of kin.  This exceedingly morbid situation may be the direct result of one or more of the following conditions:

• Our itinerant webmaster may have simply misplaced the document.     What are the odds?

• Our erstwhile webmaster may have imagined that the missing document was pure fabrication.  Hence he deleted it with extreme prejudice.

• Our ne'er-do-well webmaster may have deleted the document in a fit of pique or unavoidable attack of sheer lunacy.

• Our often lackadaisical webmaster may have wandered off, along with the document.  Let us know if you see either of them.  There is a healthy reward for the document.

• Our seldom-sober webmaster may have mistaken the document for Zig-Zag paper; rolled a joint and smoked it.

• The document in question may have been repossessed.  Whatever website from which it had been "plagerphased" may have discovered the misappropriation and begged for its safe return.  ("Plagerphrase" is a word that Scott Secor coined in 1971 to define the indelicate art of a writer's overly-creative use of paraphrasing.)

• On the other hand, the document may have been dispossessed, or just plain possessed.  We do not know, nor do we care.

• The document may have left of its own volition, not unlike your adult children. Unfortunately, it is likely to return when least expected at some future date ... not unlike your adult children.

• The missing document may have been mistaken for a ballot (or possibly a hanging chad) and is currently part of a recount.

• It is also possible that the document was gambled away in a televised celebrity poker tournament or floating crap game.

• The late document may have been tragically cut down in the prime of its life in a drive-by surfing incident, not unlike "One-pac" Shakur.  (the late Tupac was once shot in the groin).

• An evildoer may have dispatched the missing document. Should this be the case, the webmaster will seek vengeance and/or restitution (we are hoping for the latter, since we can always use the extra cash).

• The document may have been abducted!  If you find the missing document in anyone's possession, please do not attempt to apprehend them.  The suspects may be armed and dangerous.  Please alert the authorities, and the webmaster will attempt to raise the ransom money, provided that it does not exceed the limitations of the lunch money we give him.

• In the spirit of maintaining good customer relations, our website has been recently updated.  Twelve (12) brand new 404s have replaced the old shop-worn 404s, which have been recycled in the spirit of a safer environment.

• On the other hand, you might find it easier to examine the depth and breadth of cyberspace with the expert assistance of a popular search engine.  To locate a search engine, please click here and enter the term "search engine".  The results may astound you.

• For further assistance in this matter, please consult the foremost authority in the field, the 404 Research Lab, otherwise resort to this alternative 404 fame page.

• If you came to this dreadful locus by clicking the "any key", you are much dumber than we first imagined.  Perhaps the information age is not your cup of tea.

• Should you be among the humor impaired, please leave this place and seek professional counseling.  Above all, have a truly mediocre day.